Homily at the marriage of Liz Beaman & Philip Dizard

Address at the Wedding of Liz Beaman & Philip Dizard
The Heinz Chapel, Pittsburgh
Saturday, April 24, 2010 @ 6:30pm


Liz, Philip, and all here today: first let me tell you why I am thoroughly delighted to have been asked to officiate at your wedding ceremony – aside from the fact that I am always inspired when two people are willing to give themselves to each other, and aside from the fact that Darby and Chris were cherished parishioners of mine when I was a parish priest and remain cherished eccentric and always delightfully bizarre friends. Birds of a father tend to flock together. I look forward to adding Liz’s family and friends to the stew.

I revel in diversity. I deeply hold that disrespect for diversity and the attendant unwillingness to learn new truths from the reality of diversity is one of the primary causes of discord and of social fragmentation. There is a wonderfully human stew-pot of diversity here today. I just wish that America could learn to rejoice in it and honour it. We would be a much more nurturing, affirming human community. And, I think, a more, generous, kind nation. My hope – no, more, my challenge - is that this weekend and Philip and Liz’s marriage will be an opportunity to find pleasure in each other’s diversity, and deepen the wonder of being human.

We all know that the so-called “institution of marriage” is fraught with issues in our culture these days. The courage and desire to offer themselves to each other in order to explore and learn the Mystery of Love is a symbol for us all of the possibilities for each of us as a person and as a sharer in family and community. Relationships so often fail. But every time two people have the courage to marry, it raises our hope. This is the gift that Philip and Liz offer us all today.

Liz, Philip: I have read the vows you will make and their preamble many times. They resonate with the deepest principles that I have shaped my life around as a Christian priest, and I believe with other of the great time-tested principles of the World’s religions and philosophies. I am always open to Wisdom, from whatever source, though I will confess that I measure the truth of Wisdom by the great invitations of people like Jesus and the Buddha to Compassion.

You will make vows today, by your own will and choice. I believe this to be the working of the Mystery we often call “God”. Vows are important; their keeping reflects on our integrity. You will work every day of your Life together to sustain the hopes and goals your vows embrace. I hope that I and all here today will continue to support you both on this Journey together. And I would remind you that it is the Journey that is paramount, not the End; the End takes care of itself.

Today I offer you Four Toltec principles – which Don Miguel Ruiz calls “Agreements” - by which to accomplish your vows.

One: “Always be Impeccable with your word.” Your word is the power you have to create. It can also be used to destroy. Your word expresses what you dream, what you feel, what you really are. If you are impeccable in your word, you create beauty, love, heaven on earth. Strive always to use your word impeccably.

Two: “Never take anything personally.” 99.9% of what happens around you and what is said to you is not about you. It is about what lies behind others’ words and deeds. To take everything personally is deeply selfish; everything is not about you. And we are not responsible for everything. Taking everything personally poisons you. Live your own truths. Help each other to see honestly.

Three: “Never make assumptions.” Almost all assumptions are wrong. They cause us to judge people, usually wrongly. They cause us to mistreat each other. If in doubt – and that is most of the time – Ask, talk, be honest or seek honesty. Truth is always the best way to deeper love.

Four: “Always do your best.” Circumstances in Life change. Your best will be different at different times, depending on how you feel and many other factors. But if you both are committed to doing your best, you have a better chance of keeping the other three Agreements. They will all lead to a choice for Love.

And remember: we all fail. So when you do, acknowledge it and start again.

Love is not essentially feelings. Love is essentially an act of the will – the conscious decision to care and be compassionate to the one who will share Life. Spiritually, emotionally, psychologically healthy people give generously – and are never diminished by it.

Liz, Philip, may your journey together bring Wonder, Astonishment, Surprise, Peace. and Joy. I believe there is a Great Mystery of Being at the heart of Life. It is also our deepest Self. Together may you catch a glimpse, and help each other to be fully yourselves.